(")Eibeb

.Kalau.Hanya.Dapat.Aku

2008-09-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

This is supposed to be my new song, but didn't get a chance yet to record.

Kalau Hanya Dapat Aku

Ibu,
Apa khabar kau di sana?
Ku harap engkau gembira sentiasa
Ku tahu kau amat merinduiku
Ku juga sentiasa merinduimu

Jika di sini engkau ada di sisi,
Akan ku kucup tanganmu namun kita berjauhan

Ibu ampunilah segala kesilapanku kepadamu,
Kerna mungkin pernah aku lukakan hatimu,
Dan di saat ku tahu kau titiskan air matamu,
Kalau hanya dapat aku keringkan buatmu.

Ayah,
Setelah lama kau pergi,
Kini ku dapat merasakan kehilanganmu,
Walaupun tak dapat kutatap wajahmu buat kali akhir,
Namun kau di dalam doaku.

Jika hari ini engkau masih di sini,
Akan ku cium dahimu namun mustahil bagiku.

Ayah ampunilah segala kesilapanku kepadamu,
Kerna mungkin pernah aku lukakan hatimu,
Dan di saat ku tahu kau pergi meninggalkan diriku,
Kalau hanya dapat aku kembalikan waktu.

Tuhan,
Engkau maha pengampun,
Engkau amat cintakan keampunan,
Ampunkan segala dosa-dosaku,
Ampunkan ibu dan juga ayahku.

Hanya padaMu kupohon keampunan,
KepadaMu kuberserah,
Hanya Engkau yang satu.

Ibu ampunilah segala kesilapanku kepadamu,
Kerna mungkin pernah aku lukakan hatimu,
Dan di saat ku tahu kau titiskan air matamu,
Kalau hanya dapat aku keringkan buatmu.
Ayah ampunilah segala kesilapanku kepadamu,
Kerna mungkin pernah aku lukakan hatimu,
Dan di saat ku tahu kau pergi meninggalkan diriku,
Kalau hanya dapat aku kembalikan waktu.

Summer 2008

2008-09-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

My summer holiday this year was fun, yeah. My sister got married, we went to Bandung, and then back in Nashville, we had picnic and went to roadtrip~ Yup2x~
My sister got married last July, 28th. She's 26 and her husband is 28 (I think). They met at work and I don't really know the rest of their stories. My late father wanted my sister's wedding to be marvellous, grand, awesome. I was very busy helping my Emak preparing the hantaran stuffs, sending invitation card, buy things. And fortunately, all the hardworks were blessed with so many people came to the wedding and it wasn't raining on that day. Alhamdullillah.

	The wedding was done at my house. We renovated and remake our house according what my dad had planned and wanted. Alhamdullillah (praises be to Allah) the house is finished not so long before the wedding day.

.Sooooo.Happy.

2008-07-25T22:54:00.000-07:00

Chat with Sis today!!! So happy, miss her so much...

.Spiderman.

2008-07-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

(Mayana nk update eh? Lek lu...)

I haven't write anything since the last post, which is about the song I wrote for Sis. I am going to write about what I did in Malaysia soon, I am waiting for pictures from my sister.

Among all superheros that you know, which one do you like the most? I asked myself many times, I'm not really sure which one I like the most, I like so many superheros; spiderman, batman, superman, green lantern, green arrow, x-men, power rangers and many more. I asked myself again, and after a few "interviews" with myself, I know that I like Spiderman the most!!!

When I was little, I watched spiderman cartoon a lot. Among other superhero cartoons, I watched spiderman more. Somehow I feel there are some similarities between him and me (poyo je).. haha.. Spiderman/Peter Parker is a nerd, I once looked like him, with big glasses, flat hair...Peter Parker lost his uncle who he loves so much as if his uncle is his real father. I have watched Spiderman movies so many times, in the first movie, the part/scene that touches me the most is when Peter cries after his commencement, he tells his Aunt May that he wishes his Uncle Ben was on the commencement to watch him graduates. And I wish my father can come to my commencement, but that is totally impossible...

Well, Spiderman rocks!!! Mayana rocks jugak la, update lain later2 eh Mayana...

.Clover.Field.

2008-05-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

A song I wrote for Sis...

Clover Field

Verse 1:
Please don't cry,
I don't want to see the tears in your eyes,
Please don't say goodbye,
I don't want you to fake your smile for me.

Bridge 1:
All this time you and I have always thought everything is fine,
But in the end when you will go,
I feel this feeling of emptiness,
You say please don't worry brother,
Coz someday I will come back dear,
But for one whole year it feels so lonely inside.

Chorus:
Sis,
I'm going to miss you,
Yes I'm going to miss you,
I will always miss you,
All the time,
I can never forget you,
I can't imagine if I forget you,
I don't want to lose anyone anymore.

Verse 2:
Please don't cry,
I'm sorry for every mistake that I've done to you,
You are so kind,
I know you never say but you always care for me.

Bridge 2:
Every time when I fall sick,
And when I need you,
You always say
Be strong my dear you'll never be alone,
I hope I can spend much time with you,
But everyday we have things to do,
I'm afraid when you go we will change.

Repeat chorus

Bridge

Repeat Bridge 1

Ending
How do I feel now?
Everyday, every time,
Every minute,
I count for the day when I will meet you again.

Repeat chorus

Repeat Half Chorus

.Malas.Malas.

2008-05-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

My body is so very malas today... tapi hati semangat nak kejar-kejar bola, nak main timbang-timbang, tapi badan malas nak gerak... Don't be lazy2 Zul Joe!! :)

Let's watch Digimon!!!!

.Happy.Birthday.Sis.

2008-05-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

Today is sis's birthday!! Happy birthday sis!!!

Eibeb wishes you:

Have a great life
Healthy and happy
Kawin cepat2.. ngahahahaha!!!

.Feeling.

2008-05-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

Masak-masak!! Makan-makan!! Jalan-jalan!!! Berfoya-foya!!! Seronok-seronok!!
tp sedih-sedih jugak....
seniors are going home soon...

.Good.Bye.

2008-04-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

I realized something that I should have realized a long time ago. I realized that I always try not to see and talk to someone I love and I care about, my friends or families, when I am about to loose them. Because I don't want to look at their sad faces, and I don't want them to look at my sad face. And I realized that I should not do that, I should spend more time with them, I should always see them and talk to them. One more thing I realized, when I miss someone so much, and then finally I get to see that someone, I will talk to that person less that I usually do. Someone told me once; "Joe, you don't know when will you loose someone you really love. And until that moment, value that person. When the time comes when he/she is leaving you for real, before he or she goes away, 'kiss' him or her a very special good bye, go make fun of him/her, go do stupid things with that person and cry in front of him/her. Let her/him know that you really love her/him and that you are really happy to have a good friend like him/her. Because the one that person really wants to be with before he/she goes, is you"...something like that...

Here are two stories of mine, about friends, who I recently remember:

I had a best friend when I was in elementary school. We were like brothers, we were so closed, almost everytime together. We got into the same high school, we went to school together, we studied together, we played together, almost everything we did together. But, the next year, I had to move to another city. I couldn't see him again, for years. I was so sad, I don't want to loose my best friend. A few weeks before I moved, I decided not to see him, I didn't want to say good bye. I hate good bye. I didn't want to cry in front of him, I didn't want to look at his sad face seeing me leaving. I didn't talk to him for days, maybe even for weeks. I know he felt that there was something wrong about me, he realized I tried to avoid him; I tried to avoid looking at him, I tried to avoid talking to him, I tried to avoid seeing him. I turned to the other way when we bumped into each other during recess. And then, I moved away, without seeing him for the very last time. And to make things worse, he was the last person who knew I was going to move.

When I was in PLKN, I have a very close friend. We were in the same company; Bravo Company. One day we had a briefing and everyone had to gather in a room, a small room. There were so many people. I didn't know where to sit. I just sat randomly. There were some guys around me and he was the first one who talked to me, and he talked like we had knew each other for a long time. And since then we became very closed friends. A few days before the last day of service, I started feeling something weird, I don't know; maybe I was happy because finally I can go home... Or maybe I was sad because I'm going to leave my friends. I started avoiding him; I tried not to see him, I gave excuses when he asked me to join him doing whatever, I turned my voice down and looked away whenever I had to talk to him. And he realized it, he realized that I tried to avoid him, he knew I changed. One day; two or three days before the last night of PLKN, he asked me to go hanging out. But I refused, he got mad at me; he asked why I avoided talking to him. We quarrelled for a little bit. Now, I lost contact with him, I don't know where he is now.

These stories sound gay, maybe..haha..

If I could say "Please don't go, because when you are here, I'm not lonely anymore", I will... But I can't... We get what we want, but we also loose what we got... until the time we lost something or someone we really love and we really care, we should value them and make them happy.

.Lost.&.Found.

2008-04-29T20:05:00.000-07:00

Finally it's summer break!! I want to waste time, continue doing websites, play games, watch animes, jamming...
But tonight..I feel nothing, inside me is empty, I don't feel like doing anything (except updating my blog). Maybe I just need a good long sleep. I was "possessed" by the "miracle of caffeine" these few days. :)
...
my status: sad for 5 minutes and then happy for another 5 minutes.

.Love.

2008-04-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

Things people say when they are in love (I guess):

I don't know much about you, but I'd really want you to give me a chance to know you. I want to be able to make you smile when you want to smile. I want to be able to react like what you expect me to. I want to be able to say things that will not make you angry or disappoint.
I can't be someone you want but I can be someone you need. I can't change myself for you and I don't want to change the way you are just to make me comfortable and happy. You are yourself and I just need to learn about you and to teach myself to accept you as you are.
I should not make you worry, but sometimes making you worry can teach you the true color of love. Making me worry is fine, so that I can teach myself to value you even more.
I want to let you do whatever you want and feel happy. Make me the last person you want to be with on the day but I will always make you among the first person I want to be with everyday.
I can't let you know some secrets I hold because not everything about me is available to you. And I respect your secrets and you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. But if you ever need me, please come to me, I will always listen to you and help as much as I can.
I wish I can be your "Living-Diary" where you "write" every important story in your life. Feed me with your stories, monologues, dialogues, epilogues, lyrics, poems, and sonnets.
I trust you and I want to share with you anything important I want to tell you. You don't have to trust me if you don't feel like I can be trusted. All I can say is "you can trust me". But baby, love is all about trust.
I can say thousands of reasons why I love you but even if I say thousands more can never match how I feel about you.

Well... actually, these are the things I wish I can say to someone someday...

.Gorillaz.

2008-04-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

I still can remember it very well; the first time I heard Gorillaz's song, Punk... And I love it! It was 2004, but I didn't have any other of their songs yet. In 2005, Gorillaz released their second album; Demon Days. I was very excited, I haven't had that feeling since Green Day's Shenanigans. Finally, I decided to use my duit raya to buy the album, and it was worth it. Even though, then I felt sad because I didn't have enough money to buy Porsche GT3 build-it-yourself model. But yeah, whatever... I listened to the album everyday. And I still listen to them, I 'bought' and 'borrowed' Gorillaz songs from their first album, also the dubbed and remix albums. And now I have all the songs from all of their albums, including the latest B-side release of Demon Days; the D-side. From the album Demon Days, the song I like the most is not the single, Feel Good Inc., but O Green World, the 6th track:

.O.Green.World.

Damon Albarn's weird, melodramatic, lazy and awesome voice mixes really well with the music. And the addition of effects, additional instrument, and choir chorus makes the song sounds intense.

My obsession with Gorillaz doesn't stop at their music only but also other stuffs. Lately I've been spending my money into Gorillaz's stuff like action figures, DVD, T-shirts and books. Hehe...

.Caffeine.

2008-04-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

Introduction

Caffeine is a bitter white crystalline compound that acts as a psychoactive stimulant drug and a mild urination stimulant in humans and other animals. Caffeine was discovered by a German chemist, Friedrich Ferdinand Runge, in 1819. The word "Caffeine" comes from the term "kaffein," a chemical compound in coffee. Caffeine has another name such as guaranine when found in guarana, mateine when found in mate, and theine when found in tea; all of these names are synonyms for the same chemical compound.
Caffeine can be found in the beans, leaves, and fruit in many plants such as coffee beans, cocoa, tea leaves, kola nut, and meta leaves. It acts as a natural pesticide that paralyzes and kills certain insects feeding on the plants. It is most commonly consumed by human from coffee, tea, soft drink and energy drinks. In human body, caffeine acts as a psychoactive drug that induces self alertness. A psychoactive drug is a chemical substance that acts primarily upon the central nervous system where it alters brain function, resulting in temporary changes in perception, mood, consciousness and behavior. In North America, 90% of adults consume caffeine daily. Caffeine is the most legal and unregulated drug among other drugs. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration lists caffeine as a "Multiple Purpose Generally Recognized as Safe Food Substance".

History of Caffeine

Humans have consumed caffeine since Stone Age. Early human found that chewing the seeds, bark, or leaves of certain plants had the effects of easing fatigue, stimulating awareness, and elevating mood. Later then they found that the effect of caffeine was increased by steeping such plants in hot water. Many cultures have legends that attribute the discovery of such plants to people living many thousands of years ago. According to one popular Chinese legend, the Emperor of China Shennong, said to have reigned in about 3,000 BCE, accidentally discovered that when some leaves fell into boiling water, a fragrant and restorative drink resulted. Shennong is also mentioned in Lu Yu's Cha Jing, a famous early work on the subject of tea. The history of coffee has been recorded as far back as the ninth century. During that time, coffee beans were available only in their native habitat, Ethiopia. A popular legend traces its discovery to a goat herder named Kaldi, who observed his goats that became sleepless at night after eating some coffee shrubs and. He then tried some of the berries that the goats had been eating, and the experienced the same sleepless vitality. In around the end of 16th century, coffee came into general use in the Near East (Asian Region). In Europe, coffee was known as "Arabian wine". The first few Coffee Houses were opened in Constantinople and Venice. In Britain, the first coffee houses were opened in London in 1652, at St Michael's Alley, Cornhill. They soon became popular throughout Western Europe, and played a significant role in social relations in the 17th and 18th centuries. Kola nut was chewed in many West African cultures, individually or in a social setting, to help reducing hunger. The earliest use of cocoa was discovered by the founding of an ancient Mayan pot dated to 600 BCE. In the New World, chocolate was consumed in a bitter and spicy drink called xocoatl. Xocoatl was believed to fight fatigue. Cocoa beans were used as currency during ancient times. Chocolate was introduced to Europe by the Spaniards and became a popular beverage by 1700. They also introduced the cacao tree into the West Indies and the Philippines. Caffeine has become the world's most popular psychoactive substance with global consumptions of 120,000 tons per annum.

Mechanism of Caffeine Action

Caffeine is complete;y absorbed by the stomach within 45 minutes of intake. Then, it is distributed throughout all tissues of the body and then is eliminited. The half-life of caffeine—the time required for the body to eliminate one-half of the total amount of caffeine consumed at a given time—varies widely among individuals according to such factors as age, liver function, pregnancy, some concurrent medications, and the level of enzymes in the liver needed for caffeine metabolism. In healthy adults, caffeine's half-life is approximately 3–4 hours. In women taking oral contraceptives (some sort of medication to counter pregnancy), the caffeine’s half-life is increased to 5–10 hours, and in pregnant women the half-life is about 9–11 hours. Caffeine can accumulate in individuals with severe liver disease when its half-life can increase to 96 hours. In infants and young children, the half-life may be longer than in adults; half-life in a newborn baby may be as long as 30 hours. Other factors such as smoking can shorten caffeine's half-life. Caffeine is metabolized in the liver by the cytochrome P450 oxidase enzyme system (specifically, the 1A2 isozyme) into three metabolic dimethylxanthines, which each have their own effects on the body:

Paraxanthine (84%): Has the effect of increasing lipolysis, leading to elevated glycerol and free fatty acid levels in the blood plasma.
Theobromine (12%): Dilates blood vessels and increases urine volume. Theobromine is also the principal alkaloid in cocoa, and therefore chocolate.
Theophylline (4%): Relaxes smooth muscles of the bronchi, and is used to treat asthma. The therapeutic dose of theophylline, however, is many times greater than the levels attained from caffeine metabolism.

Each of these metabolites is further metabolized and then excreted in the urine.

The precise amount of caffeine necessary to produce effects varies from person to person depending on body size and degree of tolerance to caffeine. Each person has different amount of caffeine intake that they can accommodate with. It takes less than an hour for caffeine to begin affecting the body and a mild dose wears off in three to four hours. Consumption of caffeine does not eliminate the need for sleep: it only temporarily reduces the sensation of being tired. Caffeine is an ergogenic; an external source that affect the brain and physical performance. Caffeine increases the capacity for mental or physical labor. Some studies show that trained runners showed a 44% increase in "race-pace" endurance, as well as a 51% increase in cycling endurance, after a dosage of 9 milligrams of caffeine per kilogram of body weight.

Because caffeine is primarily an antagonist of the central nervous system's receptors for the neurotransmitter adenosine, the bodies of individuals who regularly consume caffeine adapt to the continual presence of the drug by substantially increasing the number of adenosine receptors in the central nervous system. This increase in the number of the adenosine receptors makes the body much more sensitive to adenosine, with two primary consequences. First, the stimulatory effects of caffeine are substantially reduced, a phenomenon known as a tolerance adaptation. Second, because these adaptive responses to caffeine make individuals much more sensitive to adenosine, a reduction in caffeine intake will effectively increase the normal physiological effects of adenosine, resulting in unwelcome withdrawal symptoms in tolerant users. In much simpler way of describing this; caffeine is not addictive if consumed infrequently, regularly and in small amounts. However, caffeine can be addictive if taken very frequently in an amount that a normal people would not take.

Effect of Caffeine Intake and Overuse of Caffeine

In large amounts, and especially over extended periods of time, caffeine can lead to a condition known as caffeinism. Caffeinism usually combines caffeine dependency with a wide range of unpleasant physical and mental conditions including nervousness, irritability, anxiety, tremulousness, muscle twitching (hyperreflexia), insomnia, headaches, respiratory alkalosis and heart palpitations. Furthermore, because caffeine increases the production of stomach acid, high usage over time can lead to peptic ulcers, erosive esophagitis, and gastroesophageal reflux disease. (I don’t really know this kinda stuff).
There are four caffeine-induced psychiatric disorders recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition: caffeine intoxication, caffeine-induced anxiety disorder, caffeine-induced sleep disorder, and caffeine-related disorder not otherwise specified (NOS).

Caffeine intoxication
An acute overdose of caffeine, usually in excess of 300 milligrams, can result in a state of central nervous system over-stimulation called caffeine intoxication. The symptoms of caffeine intoxication may include restlessness, nervousness, excitement, insomnia, flushing of the face, increased urination, gastrointestinal disturbance, muscle twitching, a rambling flow of thought and speech, irritability, irregular or rapid heart beat, and psychomotor agitation. In cases of much larger overdoses mania, depression, lapses in judgment, disorientation, and loss of social inhibition, delusions, hallucinations, psychosis, rhabdomyolysis, and death may occur. In cases of extreme overdose, death can result.
Anxiety and sleep disorders
Long-term overuse of caffeine can bring out a number of psychiatric disturbances. Two such disorders recognized by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) are caffeine-induced sleep disorder and caffeine-induced anxiety disorder.
In the case of caffeine-induced sleep disorder, an individual regularly consumes high doses of caffeine sufficient to induce a significant disturbance in his or her sleep.
Parkinson's disease
Several large studies have shown that caffeine intake is associated with a reduced risk of developing Parkinson's disease (PD) in men, but studies in women have been inconclusive. The mechanism by which caffeine affects PD remains a mystery. In animal models, researchers have shown that caffeine can prevent the loss of dopamine-producing nerve cells seen in Parkinson's disease, but researchers still do not know how this occurs.
Effects on memory and learning
Caffeine can induce certain changes in memory and learning. However, it is still not definitely clear whether the effect is negative or positive.
Effects on the heart
Caffeine increases the levels of cAMP in the heart cells, mimicking the effects of epinephrine. cAMP diffuses through the cell and acts as a "secondary messenger," activating protein kinase A (PKA; cAMP-dependent protein kinase). According to one study, caffeine, in the form of coffee, significantly reduces the risk of heart disease in epidemiological studies. However, the protective effect was found only in participants who were not severely hypertensive (i.e. patients that are not suffering from a very high blood pressure). Furthermore, no significant protective effect was found in participants aged less than 65 years or in cerebrovascular disease mortality for those aged equal or more than 65 years.
Effects on children
It is commonly believed that caffeine consumption causes stunted growth in children, but this is not supported by scientific research. However, just as with adults, there may be legitimate reason to limit the amount consumed by children.
Caffeine intake during pregnancy
The Food Standards Agency has recommended that pregnant women should limit their caffeine intake to less than 300 mg of caffeine a day – the equivalent of four cups of coffee a day. A higher intake may be associated with miscarriage.

.Things.Come.And.Go.

2008-02-28T20:55:00.000-08:00

.Words.

Life is just like an old windmill,
Keep on turning and just keep going,
It doesn't care how hard the wind is,
And never care if rain is falling,
Just so you know, just so you know.
In our life, things come and go; that's what you said to me when I cried.
If you fall and you get hurt, stand up back and move on again,
Move on again,
Love is like a waterfall,
So cold but so beautiful,
You always say everything's fine,
But there are tears behind every smile.
Just so you know, just so you know.
In our life, things come and go; that's what he said to me when I cried.
If you fall and you get hurt, stand up back and move on again,
Move on again,
I hate to cry when I am smiling,
This feeling is so overwhelmed,
Just so you know, just so you know.
In our life, things come and go; that's what they said to me when I cried.
If you fall and you get hurt, stand up back and move on again.
Words like these are always comforting.

.I.Love.You.

2008-02-20T18:46:00.000-08:00

Love is so beautiful and wonderful. Love brings peace, love calms your heart out. Love Makes you happy and dries your tears out.

I.Love.You

Emak
I LOVE YOU because you are a very great mother, you carried me for the whole 9 months of pregnancy, and that is not an easy thing to do. You raised me up, you pour your love onto me, you take care of me. You teach me what's wrong and what's not wrong. You are so sweet, you are a good cook. You never show how hard your life is, and you never complain. You correct me when I'm wrong and never doubt me. You always pray for me and always think of me. You always put priority on your children and husband. And moreover, I LOVE YOU because you are my mother, you are the greatest mother in the world to me.

Abah
I LOVE YOU because you always wanted your family to be happy, and you didn't want us to know how hard your life was. You always kept our family's name clean, and never cared whatever bad things people said about you. And now that you are already gone, I LOVE YOU even more. I wish I've loved you more than I LOVE YOU now.

Sis Anis
I LOVE YOU because you are a very great sister. Even though you are not my real sister, I always feel like you are really my real sister. And I really want to be your real brother. Because you always make me happy, and you take care of me. I wish I met you earlier, and now that you are going to go away from me, it makes me really sad. I don't want to be lonely anymore, and when you are here with me, I am never lonely. I wish that you will have a very great life and get a great husband soon so that I'll get a new brother... and a nephew/niece too... :)

Along
I LOVE YOU because you always think about your brother and sister first. You always want your family to be happy. You never care if it will bring trouble to you, you never think twice to help us. Even though you are an "old geek", you are still cool. I hope you will also have a great life. I have a quote for you, "Go get married".

Akak Ina
I LOVE YOU because you never show you love us. And that's the way you are. You are a hard worker and an elegant woman. You are strict and dedicated. And when I need help, you will always help. And you have a cool car.

Someone
I LOVE YOU because I LOVE YOU... And that's the only reason, I've never wanted to have reasons to love you, but yes indeed I do love you. I love your innocence and your talent. I love your sweetness and your cuteness. I love your voice and the way you talk. I love the fact that I LOVE YOU and maybe you don't. I love your smile and love it when you smile at me. I love your name. I love to say your name. I don't really want you to know I LOVE YOU. But I do LOVE YOU.

Friends
I LOVE YOU all because you make me laugh, make me feel irritated, make me embarrassed, make fun of me... And that's what friends always do to friends. That's normal.

.I.Am.Zul.Joe.

2008-02-18T17:59:00.000-08:00

Ahh, it's been awhile since I last wrote something on my blog.

Kimochi. Feeling.

It has been 2 months since Abah passed away... And yeah, and I'm... still... well, I believe everyone who has experienced the loss of someone they love feels the same way...lonely... and need someone to be by their side, everytime... But Sis is here!! All my friends are here!!! And I've got Emi-chan and others here at McTyeire too!!

I'm worried about Emak so much... If I can, I want to be with Emak everyday, everytime, everywhere, so that I can still see her when I wake up every morning, I can see her before I go to bed, I can hear her voice telling me to take care of myself. I call Emak everyday since Abah died, because I'm really worried about her, my heart beats so fast when I hold the phone, and when the phone rings and when finally I hear her lovely and pleasant "Hello". And I feel scared whenever my phone rings, whenever someone calls me, I'm scared as if it is a call from Malaysia to tell me someone else in my family is gone. And still... it has been two months, and I still feel that way... lonely..and scared...

I still remember the last things he said to me, he told me to take care, study hard. He asked me to look after my mom, he asked me to study really hard so that my mom's life will get better. He told me to stand up and never give up, and just be myself no matter how hard life can be. He said "A man must be strong" in a weak voice, and I can still hear it until now, it has been playing in my ear since then. And I still cry whenever I think about it... like now...

I didn't even get a chance to see him before he died, I have celebrated Hari Raya without him for two years, and now, I'll never get a chance to celebrate it with him. I really hope I could take his hand and kiss it. I used to kiss his cheeks when he drove me to school. And I used to "fight" with him over the stupidest thing ever, and he will always win. I've experienced his love, his anger... I've seen his dedicated eyes, and his burnt hand he got at work, and his skinny hand and cheek, and his black moustache, his few teeth, and his wrinkled forehead.

I've never felt it is so lovely to say his name, and call him "Abah". But now the fact that he's gone, and I'll never get a chance to call him "Abah" anymore, makes me feel really bad, really sad, really want time to go back to when he's still alive... But that will never happen. Emak, Along and Akak told me that I need to move on, and keep moving on. And Along works really hard, and always smile, and makes jokes, because he doesn't want his brother, his sister, and Emak to be sad. And Akak is going to get married, I still remember Abah's face when he knew she's gonna get married and when Akak got engaged... I've never seen that smile. And the smile he made when we went to Langkawi, and that was the last time I spent my time with him.
He always told me he's so proud of me, he was always energetic and really into it when he talked about how I finally got my dream to study abroad. Yes, for my mom's better life, and mine, I'll do better and much better. And I know Emak really misses him, and can never forget him. And I know she cries everyday, maybe she doesn't shed tears anymore, but her heart cries... still...

It has been two months, but still... sometimes I still feel lonely, and really need someone to by my side. I'm so far away from my family, but I really need them, really want them. I've got Sis here, she's just like my real sister. She cures my loneliness, and bring smiles back to my life. I wish I am his real brother. And I really don't want her to go. But she's graduating soon... :( I wish she'll have a very great life, and a very happy life... oh! oh! and a good husband! hehehe...

Special to:
Emak
Along
Akak Ina
Sis Anis Solihah
And all other friends

.I.Want.To.See.Your.Smile.

2007-10-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I'm okay,
I don't believe that,
I hope I can see you today,
Have I ever told you?
You're really sweet hey,
I can't take my eyes out of you.

I just want to see your smile,
I just want to make you smile.

Don't you know that,
all this time there is,
you inside me,
and your cute little voice,
never fail to make me,
always want to see you,
everynight everyday,
everytime in my life,
every minutes,
I just want to see your smile.

Fancy seeing you here,
I don't know what to do,
I just want to make you smile,
Have I ever told you?
You're so pretty hey,
I can't take my eyes out of you.

I just want to see your smile,
I just want to make you smile.

Don't you know that,
all this time there is,
you inside me,
and your cute little voice,
never fail to make me,
always want to see you,
everynight everyday,
everytime in my life,
every minutes,
I just want to see your smile.

I just want to see your smile,
I just want to make you smile.

Don't you know that,
all this time there is,
you inside me,
and your cute little voice,
never fail to make me,
always want to see you,
everynight everyday,
everytime in my life,
every minutes,
I just want to see your smile.

.Selamat.Hari.Raya.

2007-10-10T23:19:00.000-07:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin to:

Emak, Abah, Along, Akak, Relatives, Sis Sonick, Dayana, Danny, Sofi, Zul, Alia, Adi, Hafiz, Syamir, Muhaimin, Nasir, Luqman, Lah, Afiq, Hannan, Izwan, Khairi, Aminah, Azni, Izzati, Zed, Oya, Nad, Syikin, Awatif, Jiha, Haziq, Fatih, Shah, Syu, Adibah, Ama, Aliaa, Ira, Qayyum, Hubab, Baba, Hasan, Arif, Amar, Amir, Dolah, Sakinah, Hafizah, Anum, Zairin, Nik, Abal, Nazirah, Mariam, Nabilah, Jurai, Kak Ina, Kak Raihan, Fiqa, Min, Yasmin, Reza, Lan, Mud, Cammoe, Max, Joe, Mafiq, Dore, Anas, Zati, Masita, Ashwaq, Mern, Aus and Freshmen and others not mentioned (Sorry, I forgot).

.Power.Rangers.

2007-10-08T19:21:00.000-07:00

Mighty Morphin Power RangersGo, go Power Rangers

Go, go Power Rangers
Go, go Power Rangers
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers! Yeah!

When I was a kid, I really loved Power Rangers, I still remember that every Saturday, I will wake up early in the morning just to watch Power Rangers. I liked their costumes, weapons, their zords and stuffs.

Power Rangers is a television series adapted from Japanese Super Sentai series; which is basically a story about 6 (less or more) chosen teenagers to become a group of superheroes with fancy colorful costumes to fight villains who want to conquer earth. There are some slight differences between Japanese original series and English series, but English series are originally from Japanese. In the first series of American Power Rangers; Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, a villain named Rita Repulsa who was imprisoned for 10000 years is accidentally freed by two austronauts from earth. She then plans to conquer Earth with her underlings. Zordon, a legendery interdimensional evil fighter with help from his assistant, Alpha5 sought out 5 extraordinary teenagers with attitude and give them powers to transform into superhuman fighting force in order to fight Rita. The teenagers then, become Power Rangers with 5 different colors; red, black, blue, yellow and pink, with the spirit of dinosaurs accompany them. They have their normal lives, with school, homeworks and party, but when the world needs them, they "morph" into Power Rangers to save the day. The Rangers then got new members, the sixth ranger with some specialties.

Until now, there are 15 seasons of Power Rangers with overall 13 series of them:

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: Season 1-3
Power Rangers Zeo: Season 4
Power Rangers Turbo: Season 5
Power Rangers In Space: Season 6
Power Rangers Lost Galaxy: Season 7
Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue: Season 8
Power Rangers Time Force: Season 9
Power Rangers Wild Force: Season 10
Power Rangers Ninja Storm: Season 11
Power Rangers Dino Thunder: Season 12
Power Ranger S.P.D.: Season 13
Power Rangers Mystic Force: Season 14
Power Rangers Operation Overdrive: Season 15 (Power Rangers Operation Overdrive airs on Toon Disney (US) on Mondays and Fridays)

There are two Power Rangers movies: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie and Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.

In the first movie, all 6 rangers are facing a new evil villain called Ivan Ooze. However they lose their power because Zordon got attacked by Ivan and becomes weak. The rangers have to go to a planet to regain their powers. They obtain new animal spirits and zords and got back to earth and defeat Ivan Ooze. In the second movie, Rocky (former Red ranger and Blue Zeo Ranger) is injured, and Devatox, a pirate is planning an evil plan. Rocky's place as the blue ranger is taken by a kid named Justin. The turbo rangers then sail following Devatox to stop her from doing her evil plan.

I just love Power Rangers. And I'm still watching it.

Go Go Power Rangers!

Aiyaiyaiyaiyai!

.Aidilfitri.

2007-10-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

In about a week, we will celebrate Aidilfitri; the day of thriumph. After a month of fasting, and restraining one's self from bad things and deeds; finally a day of grace and grateful comes with shine of happiness. This beautiful celebration is not just celebrated by Malay and Muslims, in our country Malaysia especially; it is celebrated by all Malaysians, regardless of their races or religions.

I still remember when I was in Malaysia, when I celebrate Hari Raya with my family. Usually, in about a week before Hari Raya, my Mom and my sis will make some cookies and cakes; delicious cookies and cakes (just thinking about them makes me want to cry, because this year I can't eat my Mom's homemade cookies...). While my father, my brother and I will clean the house, change anything that needs to be changed; like tableclothes and curtains. Then at Hari Raya Eve; we will prepare our Hari Raya clothes, colourful and beautiful. My Mom and sis will usually cook the Hari Raya foods, like ketupat, rendang and many more. The next morning, the morning of Hari Raya, we will go to Raya Prayer together. After that, we will eat together at home, the Raya foods that my Mom and sis cooked. Then, the usual shaking and kissing and hugging and wishing and crying scene took place. My brother, my sister and I will shake, kiss and hug our parents. The younger(s) shake the older(s)' hand and ask for forgiveness, wish Selamat Hari Raya, and so on. Then we go visit our great grandparents' grave; read some prayer for them. In the afternoon, we go to my grandparents' and cousins'.

This is the typical scene that you can see during Hari Raya, it is beautiful, lovely, a lot of happiness in Hari Raya.

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin